Week 17: Rage
Weekly Chapters:
II Kings 4 - 23
Passage of the Week:
II Kings 5:12-13
Adjective:
Anger or Fury
Violent Anger
Thesaurus:
Animosity
Bitterness
Exasperation
Indignation
Fury
Irritation
Father God,
As I go into the study this week, grant me the wisdom to see Your desire in me for growth and guide me in Your ways. Give me the strength to confront behaviors that diminish my capacity for love and learning.
Amen
Authentic vulnerability:
Rage-extreme anger. I’m not sure I felt this until parenthood. I’m sure I felt it against my parents growing up, but what I remember is the expressed rage against my children in times of their disappointment. Not proud moments on my part – but real moments.
I’ve always been a workaholic. Most of my self-worth is tied into my “power” at work and how “important” it is to keep the family going, in my mind. And in that, my family should strive to make my life easy, right?
I remember coming home one day from work, and the house is a mess – probably not all that messy, but in my mind and my control was a worldwide disaster area. I came in hot, yelling at my kids to pick up their “crap,” and why can’t they just have it clean by the time I got home? I work a full-time job, and I am a Girl Scout leader, Service Unit Director of the Girl Scouts, I this, I that, why is everyone not seeing how important I am?
What struck me was my third-grade daughter. I remember she was so small, saying, “you are scaring me, mommy.” Oh my goodness, in that moment, Who am I? What have I become? My rage—pure and utter rage – was scaring my daughter. What did I look like at this moment? Who was I?
Later I realized I must have done it a lot because I found out that my husband would phone my kids and tell them to start picking up the house because mom is on her way home.
The later shame I still feel for that time. Luckily ten or so years later, when I ask my daughter, she remembers none of this.
Rage—pure rage brought on by stress, and maybe a little bit of hero-worship of myself, and a lot of self-loathing.
What is your Authentic Truth?
Study:
The lives of the kings of Israel and Judah brought in a culture of sin against God. During their time of rule, very few of the kings followed the Lord. Over the years of the kings ruling in Judah and Israel, only 8 of 20 who ruled in Judah followed the Lord faithfully, and in Israel, none of the 20 kings were faithful to the Lord. God offered many chances. King after king, only in Judah would they see a king who followed God, yet only by half as they would leave the worshipers of bael and asherah poles to their own devices.
In II Kings 21:10, the Lord tells the prophets that he will bring on the same disasters to Judah as he allowed in Israel. In the NLT translation, God likens it to wiping them out as one wipes a dish and turns it upside down. He was over them. His rage was beyond the hot angry rage. At this point, his anger was unfeeling, as simple as the act of drying a dish and turning it upside down (2 Kings 21:13).
God’s rage was so beyond that it became apathy with no passion. At this point, he could almost care less – he was over it.
But along came Josiah. Josiah was Judah’s last redeeming king. Josiah followed in the footsteps of David. When sacred scrolls were found guiding Josiah to follow the right path, Josiah went through the kingdom and eradicated all false gods and their followers. He brought back Passover and led his people back toward God and the Commandments God gave Moses.
Anger—white-hot
Apathy—loss of caring
Redemption
While in the end, Josiah could not save Judah, even though for a moment he was able to redeem Judah and bring peace. All felt right in Judah under Josiah because he served the Lord with his humble ways. Got heard and saw Josiah, and He saved Judah during Josiah’s reign.
That is the thing with God. He sees us. He hears us: my rage, my unfounded rage. Just turning to God at that moment would have quenched it, but instead, I fed the frenzy. For whatever reason, we focus on being everything to everyone – the perfect mom, wife, partner, employee. We do this and sacrifice who we are in the process. We lose ourselves, and when anything threatens our image of perfection or when something feels out of control, we lose it.
I lost it.
Father God,
Thank You for being so forgiving of my rage, my constant need to be loved and respected. You give me all my needs; I only need to let You in versus the voices of the world around me.
Amen.
Homework:
Self-care
Understand that you are essential. God has a plan for you, but it is difficult to see between all of your striving for earthly perfection. Give yourself Grace allow yourself to spend time with you and get to know you. The real you is beautiful the way she is. Take a day, or at least an hour, to spend with you. Do what you want to do, take a walk, get in a good lunch, watch a movie—next, journal what your needs are, not your needs to be perfect but your actual needs. You need to be loved, your need for space and find ways to honor these needs, express them to your family and give yourself Grace.
