Week 1: Vindictive
Weekly Chapters: Genesis 1-25
Passage of the Week: Genesis 4:24
Adjective:
Disposed or inclined to revenge
Vengeful
Proceeding from or showing a revengeful spirit
Additional Meanings:
Cruel
Malicious
Spiteful
Hateful
Resentful
Retaliatory
Unforgiving
Father God,
Give me the strength to start this study into your word. Give me the sight to see what you want me to see in your word. Your word is powerful and gives me guidance and capacity to overcome. With your guidance over this next year, I look forward to uncovering my motivation and clearing some of the junk in my head. My goal this year is to be a better and happier me through your encouragement and counsel. I praise you for your power and might, which blesses me daily.
Amen
Authentic vulnerability:
This is such an unpleasant feeling for me, and I hate to say that it rears its ugly head more than I would like. When I feel wronged, whether there was a wrong or perceived wrong, I immediately go to this place. I strike like a snake and usually regret what I say. I will show them, I think, and then can’t believe I did it, again. It is usually not intentional, just reactional. A shroud of anger is usually connected to this vindictive feeling. It is because I am stressed or angry? Am I assuming someone else’s intent? And why am I assuming that someone is wronging me? What is my motivation in this? Why am I pushing these feelings and giving them legs?
What is your Authentic Truth?
Study:
The book of Genesis offers up so many instances of vindictive behavior. One thing is certain, from the time that man was evicted from the Garden, the human feelings of vindication came to the surface, wars were breaking out everywhere, Sarai’s anger toward Hagar and of course Cain’s ultimate vindictive behavior against Able. Vindictive is an adjective describing either a person or action all in relation to revenge or vengefulness. Vengeance is the infliction of harm or humiliation on another as a way to get back at that person for a perceived or actual harm or hurt. We see that the harm by another could be physical or mental, actual or perceived.
Let’s look at Genesis to see where vindictive behavior can lead. We are all aware of the story of Cain and Able, we learned about it in our youth. Cain was the first born. Able the youngest. Those of us with siblings may have experienced sibling issues, sibling rivalry, who is getting Mom’s attention, who is getting Dad’s, and all of the thoughts of feeling or not feeling good enough at any period of time. I imagine that both Cain and Abel both felt these feelings, and why wouldn’t they? They are human after all. God’s word in Genesis 4 states that Abel kept the flocks and Can worked the soil (NIV). After the boys became men and began to make their own sacrifices to God, they chose from their toils the offering to which they would honor God. Can brought “some fruits” (NIV), or “fruit of the ground” (NASB and ESV), there is no specifics as to the type or quality in verse 3. However, Abel brought the first born of his flock (ESV), and per the NIV, the fat portions of the first born. Abel made the greater sacrifice, and for that God was pleased because Abel did his best.
Cain felt jealousy, how often have we felt jealousy? This jealousy was not for material things, instead it was for the love and accolades his brother received. Haven’t we all been there? Where we did not do our best, or maybe we thought we did, and yet we fell short. Someone else did do their best and they received the praise. We feel dejected, not good enough and angry—not at ourselves, but at the other person. But why—why can we not be happy for the other person for what they created and celebrate then look at ourselves and consider what we could have done better? Is it just easier to blame others?
Think back to a time where you have been passed up for something—a promotion, a date, being chosen on a team for dodgeball as a child? Put yourself back in that moment. Knowing what you know now about how life turned out, what would you say to your younger self? Thank goodness that promotion did not happen—would the hours have been worth the pay? That man was not the man I was meant to partner with? And Dodgeball, really? Who became president based on the order they were chosen in Dodgeball? What is true is that you were already chosen, by God, before your birth. You are loved by God, and others, exactly as you are. You are exactly where you need to be and are learning the lessons you were meant to learn.
My vindictive feelings usually rear their head when I am tired or feeling unattractive or let’s face it, the week before my period. I am usually weak in spirit at these times. My resolves are down, some perceived slight happens and BOOM—usually before I can control it my ugly words or behavior strike like a snake.
I imagine Cain felt this way. He toiled (thanks to Mom and Dad for blowing his chance in the Garden of Eden). Working the ground, pulling weeds, furrowing soil—all back breaking work versus watching a flock and bringing them to water and fields to eat. All of these menacing thoughts going through his head. “Abel has it SO easy”, he must think, “Abel is the youngest and always gets his way”. We have all been there. And then the dreadful happens with Cain, he loses it. More than cutting someone off in traffic, Cain sees red and kills his brother. While we think that we would never do that, have your words ever cut so sharp that you are sure the other person felt the knife? You may have even thought, “so there” as you pushed in the knife of your words. Think through any time on social media that you may have sliced and diced with your words. Or maybe your spouse, boy/girlfriend, child or friend has been on the bad side of your anger or frustration. We have all been there. Cain went there.
And we know that Cain was marked for life because of it. However, sometimes we are marked for what we say, words and actions cannot be taken back. You may feel like a failure for what you have done or how others perceive you. Let that go, breathe, and know that God’s love surrounds you. God sent his son to forgive you. God knows our hearts are vindictive, God decided to shorten the lifespan of those on earth to 120 years while Noah built the ark. God gave his people that time to repent and remove the evil in their hearts and nobody responded but Noah and his family (Genesis 6:1-13).
We can’t change the past, but we can improve our future. When I feel like saying something nasty or when that first thought comes into my mind, I need to stop, point out the feeling I am feeling and dig deeper: Why am I feeling this way? Am I tired, frustrated, pre-menstrual? Do I feel slighted or unloved? Do I feel like my feelings are not being valued? STOP, and say a prayer asking God to let us let this go, release this anger and feel the love that God has for us.
Father God,
Dear God, Father, thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving me when I chose to be disagreeable, in spite of my choice to be ugly and please forgive this choice, this behavior. Most of all Father, live in me, breathe your calm in me, help me recognize these feelings and exhale through them. Lord, you have the power to help me through this and your love for me is so strong that I can feel it through my days. I am blessed and my trust in you is solid. Please watch over me and protect my heart from feelings of Vindictiveness.
Amen.
Homework:
Forgive or give grace to someone this week. Give grace to a parent, grandparent for a time when they were doing their best but it may have fallen short. Give grace to yourself, because you are trying your best.
Life is not easy, and we all need grace, even our own personal grace.
