Week 25: Shaken
Weekly Chapters:
Psalms 39-71
Passage of the Week:
Psalms 62:6
Verb:
To tremble with emotion
To become dislodged and fall
To move something briskly
To agitate or disturb profoundly in feeling
Thesaurus:
Flustered
Upset
Rattled
Overcome
Jolted
Shook up
Father God,
There have been times when I have felt shaken when I think my entire life is crashing down around me, and I thought I would not get my footing. It is during these times when You are there to catch me. Let me examine these moments in Your word.
Amen
Authentic vulnerability:
March 23, 2017.
A day I will never forget. My husband and his mother are in Puerto Rico celebrating her brother’s 80th birthday. I am in Georgia at work preparing for a week out of town at my company’s annual trade show and the weekend prior with my sister, who I have not seen in two years. I am expecting my husband and Mother in Law to come home the same night that I leave. All plans in place.
My phone rings, and I can see it is my husband’s aunt. I pick it up to say hi and think they must be having a wonderful time.
“Honey, David had a stroke. We are following the ambulance to the hospital now.”
I can’t remember anything further in the conversation. I remember calling my oldest daughter, who happened to be working in our office that day, to tell her that David had a stroke and I need to go to Puerto Rico.
I remember walking to my boss at the time’s office and his taking one look at my face and saying, “What is wrong?”. I told him about the stroke, and he said, go, go to Puerto Rico, we got this.
I booked a one-way ticket, threw my computer and some files in a box, and my daughter drove me home to pack. I asked my then 21-year-old daughter to take care of her 15 and 16-year-old siblings. She took me to the airport and away I went, totally unknowing, to find out what our new life would look like.
I was shaken, to say the least.
What is your Authentic Truth?
Study:
My prayers on the airplane were similar to that of David’s in Psalms 55 (NLT).
Listen to my prayer oh God, do not ignore my cry for help
please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles
my heart pounds in my chest, the fear of death assault me
fear and trembling overwhelmed me, and I can’t stop shaking.
I remember promises to God to be a better wife, volunteer less, stay home more, just save David.
When I got there, he was stable in the ICU, not speaking. By the time the stroke was diagnosed and treated, three hours after the first sign, it was the size of a golf ball in the basal ganglia. But, he was alive.
Day three, with very little progress and doctors who are difficult to track down, my prayers shifted to more like Psalm 69 – – save me, oh God for the floodwaters are up to my neck – – deeper and deeper I sank.
The comfort in reading the Bible was the steadfast support I needed. Yes, there was the family who prayed for us and those who shared verses and hope. But my comfort came from my time alone with God, reading his words, comforting in others who have struggled and found God‘s promise and love on the other side of tragedy.
Psalms Chapter 55 illustrates the hope and promise of God (Verse 16-17), God hears me. He hears me and comforts me. Through the tragedy, turning to God was what I needed to be strong and support my family in the moment. Not only my husband and kids but also all of his siblings and cousins who sought constant updates. God led me to create a Facebook group to provide daily updates and speak with each other for solace.
In Psalms 55:22, David tells us to, ”Give your burdens to the Lord and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” And I didn’t. I could be strong when I needed to, be still when I needed to, and just break down uncontrollably when I needed to.
God allowed me to be me, strong and weak; angry and hopeful; selfish and sharing. God allowed me to take in what was happening and be there for those who needed me.
My husband is doing better, his stroke was debilitating, and physically he will never be the same; but, our family is closer and our marriage stronger. We work better together, and we let go of some of the self-destructive behaviors we each had had that threatened our marriage. Before the stroke, I was considering divorce, after I was shaken into relying on God again instead of depending on me. I started to make better decisions. I began to realize that finding my value in others with my ridiculous volunteering schedule meant I was neglecting my God and my family. The stroke gave me a new power, the power of saying no.
I was shaken. We all were, no one as much as my husband, and being shaken was a good thing for our family as it got us back on track and right with God.
Father God,
You know where life has shaken me. Let me learn and see the blessing you have for me in the tragedy. Give me the strength to seek help when I need it. You have told me that I am not alone. And in You, there is salvation and Grace. Thank You for hearing me and listening to my needs.
Amen.
Homework:
Shake it up.
Look at your schedule. Where could your schedule use some shaking? What do you need to say no to in order to say yes to God?
My prayer is that no family see tragedy, but if they do, after the pain, may the blessings abound on the other side. If you have a tragedy and find it challenging to live life fully after the pain, seek a therapist.
You will never find joy in a tragedy, but on the other side, God has blessings for you, it could be a new passion to pursue attacking the event that shook you, a race for a cure, a renewed sense of what is essential, a new love for God.
